hey so does anyone have a scale I can borrow?

cuz like I feel like that would be like totally like useful to make my blog like scientific like ya know?

But 4realz logistics are giving me some trouble.

Problem 1: How am I supposed to transfer my maplemonade to my nalgene? I have one of the thin-necked nalgenes (that's what she said?) and so I can't just pour maple syrup in there by itself. So I'm going to create my drank in a large, clear, plastic mixing bowl and then pour it from there into my nalgene.

Problem 1A: Where can I find a funnel?

Problem 2: I'm trying to take this blog to another level of blogness but I can't figure out how to send photos from my phone to my blog.

Problem 2A: How will I ever appear in an infomercial if there are no before and after pictures which make people sit up and reach for their phones while I smile and flex my biceps saying "I used to be embarrassed to even take my shirt off in the water, but now, they're designing those sweet Olympic one-piece superthinsulated suits around my body... THANKS MAPLEMONADE!"?

Problem 2B: Is there anyway I can get one of those probe things that can take a picture of my colon or my spleen and show all the toxins leaving? I'd be willing to put up like $20 if anyone knows how?

Problem 3: I'm going to be hungry

Over and out, Earthlings, over and out