I'm super-excited that you're still reading and I promise it will be worth it (like, it's for a grade, so like, it's kinda not just like worth it but like vital?). Now, just like Oscar attempted to exercise and diet throughout the course of Junot Díaz's The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, I too have attempted to diet and exercise throughout the course of my life.
But of course the major motif of the novel was fantasy - and what does one get when combining diet with fantasy? Well...a fantasy diet. That is: a Cleansing or Restorer diet guaranteed to provide energy, make me lose 90 pounds, rid all my acne and probably get me laid if I stick with it long enough.
What is this superhero's diet, you ask; this nectar of trekkies everywhere, this regimen which would have made Sam wail before Second Breakfast?
It's simple. For at least 10 days, I drink a salt-water flush in the morning, a combination of maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne red pepper and filtered water (8 8 0z glasses every day), and an herbal laxative tea at least once a day.
So stay tuned and I'll keep you updated every step of the way! I fully reserve the right to quit when I get hungry or if the bathroom starts to smell bad and my roommates yell at me...My tentative start date is Monday February 7, the day after the superbowl.
Over and out, Earthlings, over and out
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